For the first time I actually want NOTHING.
and this is not because I am satisfied with life, this is because I'm settling for not being able to have everything I WANT.
and then we have the quote..
"you can't have your cake and eat it too"
what's the point of me going out of my way to bake a damn cake if i cant even have a bite..
personal rant-
this summer, i kind of just wanted to not have to worry about anyone or anything, because .. well, its the summer. LAST summer someone.... pulled something similar and now I'm realizing that maybe it was bullshit back then, I'm seeing that for me... it's NOT bullshit. I don't want to be lonely but I'd like to be alone. I'd like to have the option to not be so engrossed in love and the drama just because I don't need all of it. Love can make a person feel great, but it can also make you feel just as bad and powerless. I'd prefer if I had the upper hand here.... Not to say that I still don't feel how i feel for anyone, but if its REAL then it'll stay there.. if its not then I'll know that i did the right thing. but i am not even seventeen yet. WHY in hell do i need to waste tears on something that isn't guaranteed. looking at current times.. seeing as how guys have the freedom.. I'm thinking. I SHOULD be able to have that freedom. No strings.. no ropes no chains. I should be able to do whatever, even if that means DOING nothing. and i do think that its worth it.. to put love on a halt because if I'M not thinking about me and my happiness who really is?
and this is not because I am satisfied with life, this is because I'm settling for not being able to have everything I WANT.
and then we have the quote..
"you can't have your cake and eat it too"
what's the point of me going out of my way to bake a damn cake if i cant even have a bite..
personal rant-
this summer, i kind of just wanted to not have to worry about anyone or anything, because .. well, its the summer. LAST summer someone.... pulled something similar and now I'm realizing that maybe it was bullshit back then, I'm seeing that for me... it's NOT bullshit. I don't want to be lonely but I'd like to be alone. I'd like to have the option to not be so engrossed in love and the drama just because I don't need all of it. Love can make a person feel great, but it can also make you feel just as bad and powerless. I'd prefer if I had the upper hand here.... Not to say that I still don't feel how i feel for anyone, but if its REAL then it'll stay there.. if its not then I'll know that i did the right thing. but i am not even seventeen yet. WHY in hell do i need to waste tears on something that isn't guaranteed. looking at current times.. seeing as how guys have the freedom.. I'm thinking. I SHOULD be able to have that freedom. No strings.. no ropes no chains. I should be able to do whatever, even if that means DOING nothing. and i do think that its worth it.. to put love on a halt because if I'M not thinking about me and my happiness who really is?
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